I am a mushroom of ambiguous integrity

It was a narrative essay. I wrote about a chance encounter with my future self in a coffee shop. It was probably the most trite and pretentious thing I’ve ever had the stupidity to write. In the essay, my future self was:

- Married (to an older British man, of course. Think Rupert Giles)
- With two kids (I gave them ridiculous names too. I think one may have been Nicodemus. Why the hell would I do that? Now I’m all for normal names that are properly spelled with no unnecessary vowels.)
- An English professor
- a smoker (I’m not sure why I made such a point of this aspect, but eh.)

The funny part of this is that only one of those things will ever be true. I’m married now. (At the time, I didn’t expect to be married for another ten years. I met my husband about a year and a half later. We got married 3 and a half years after that. He’s almost a year younger than I am, American, and nowhere close to sophisticated. I fucking adore him.) I don’t plan on having biological kids (and it’s weird that I would write that I did in the essay, since I wanted kids even less at 17 than I do now). Also, I would never become a professor. I don’t have the patience. If people want to learn, great. I’ll help them. However, for English and Arts - that’s really rarely the case. It’s usually teenagers who are only taking the credits because they’re a prerequisite. 

I quit smoking 3 years ago. I stopped smoking originally when I met my husband because he hates it. During a really bad period, I took it up again and tried to hide it from him. It’s the only thing I’ve ever lied to him about, and he didn’t take it well. We argued, cried, and got married 3 weeks later. My quitting smoking was a condition of our getting married, and it was the best decision I ever made. 

It’s really interesting to think back on things like that and want to punch myself in the face for being such a pretentious fuckface. I’m really glad my life turned out much differently. 

I was a moron at 17. It’s amazing how much you learn in 9 years.

10 years from now I hope to be a working Graphic Designer who at least makes enough to be comfortable. Still with the husband, and still in Portland. Maybe adoption, maybe not. We’ll see. I still won’t be smoking. 

shelnora:

Tom Waits - Jockey Full of Bourbon

Article here

I’m sharing this because it’s something people should know about. It’s a current even, and it’s worth being shared.

However, I do resent the idea that we don’t care because it’s not America.

a.) I’m an American and I heard about this right after it happened because I follow many news sources and I like to stay up on current events I heard about this before some of my friends in London did, so just don’t.

and b.) I resent the stereotype that we don’t care about people in other countries. Cause we do. We’re not all fat, lazy, uneducated swine like we’re stereotyped to be. 

(Source: halfblood-khaleesi, via alexshortandsweet)

His [Eccleston] reputation for being ‘intense’ —- moody and broody —- belies the fact that he’s also considerate, thoroughly decent, and above all, genuine. In an interview…with Lesley Sharp who worked with Chris…in The Second Coming….said: “Chris takes the work seriously, but you can have a laugh with him. We spent most of the time taking the piss out of each other, so I don’t know why people think he’s particularly intense…”

(Source: fuckyeahecclesex, via fuckyeahecclesex)

letshearitforthegoats:

via

loveandasandwich:

Time for another giveaway!  This time to celebrate reaching over 10,000 fans on my Love & a Sandwich Facebook page.
You can enter to win a mustache monster, mystery monster, bowtie monster, sasquatch, yeti, sleepy sunny, wookie, ewok, custom newborn monstroctopus, or a $20 coupon!
Click through to go to the post on Facebook, and comment with which item you’d like to win!  10 winners will be chosen at random on June 8th.

Extra entries for reblogging this post. <3

(Source: sierralinville, via resistentalism)

jaxin88 replied to your post: I just made sugar-free, low carb, Cinnamon-Vanilla cheesecake.

Recipe?

16 oz of cream cheese (I mixed whipped and regular cause that’s what I had but using regular in its entirety would probably be better.

1 cup of sweetener (The recipe I used recommended granulated Splenda, but all I had was liquid sucralose. I recommend that instead because it has fewer carbs than Splenda and doesn’t have a bitter aftertaste.)

2 Eggs

1 tsp Vanilla Extract

1/2 tsp cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350 F/ 175 C (rounded cause I fail at metric)

Mix with hand mixer until well blended and about the consistency of buttercream frosting.

I used a springform cake pan, but a regular pie pan would probably do in a pinch. 

Spread it evenly into the bottom of the pan, and bake in the oven for 40-50 minutes.

I took mine out at 40, and it probably could have gone in for a few more minutes but it came out amazing just the way it was.

It’s done when the top is cracked and golden brown and the middle is set. Test it by sticking in the tip of a knife or a toothpick. If it comes out clean, it’s done.

There you go :)

irresponsibleeyouth:

The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

(via wowlookasquid)

It. Was. Fucking. GLORIOUS.